Saturday 9
The stars were so abundant they looked less like stars and more like one had scrunched up tinfoil and thrown it into the sky.
Monday 11
I own so many things. Who wants all my useless things? I don't need them.
Tuesday 12
I need a job with some amazing desperation. I'm hungry. All I have in the fridge is beer and milk. Which is better than a whole lot of situations I could be in, but it's not amazing. I'm trying to look cute and relaxed so I can go and get myself a job in a clothing store, but I don't know if it's going to work. I'm not really an overly cute, or relaxed kind of person. But that's how you get jobs isn't it. It's the same as meeting potential mates, you lie to them, and then over time they find out that you lied. Sometimes they care, and sometimes they don't.
It's still and hot. Every part of my body that is touching something is sticky. I'm in my most comfortable, giant cotton underpants. I'm drinking homemade iced tea. After a day of wandering around town I still do not have a job, although will supposedly get two calls tomorrow. I applied for every place that looks like I can wear whatever I want while I work there. I don't like the idea of working in a place with a uniform, or worse, a place that makes you wear only their only products.
Thursday 14
Bon repas doit commencer par la faim.
I am hungry. This should be a good breakfast.
Friday 15
Right now I have no job, I have no school, I have no money, and only grains for food. I feel like I have everything in the world though, because the one thing I do have is so wholesome, and delightful and oh, so full of love than every time I see it, or am near it, nothing can be wrong. I have a family that love me and will protect me. I have friends who understand me, and I love a lover who is tender.
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
I can feel every little bit of space in my body, every little crevice in my muscles, every pocket of air between my joints, a lining around each organ, tingling between my teeth. Every part of my body is aware of this love. I don't want anything more.
Saturday 16
Something in me snapped last night. Something in me changed.
I don't want this anymore, I don't want to cope with the things I thought I needed to cope with.
I realise now I can just, so easily, pretend they aren't there.
This solves everything. I'll put on some blinkers and never fear running away ever again.
Sunday 17
doodle, doodle, draw, make.
your face has such a pleasing geometry.
Tuesday 19
It's early, and I have things I want to do. So, so many things I want to do. I wish I had a few more arms, and some kind of obscure mental disorder that allowed me to draw three or four things at once. Some kind of doodle spider.
10:44:07 AM effie: I talked to grandma about stuff I'd like to do
10:44:19 AM veritas: what sorts of stuff?
10:44:23 AM effie: she thinks that I should do album art for bands
10:44:26 AM effie: while I'm at work
10:44:28 AM veritas: i think so too!
10:44:35 AM veritas: I think you should WRITE
10:44:38 AM veritas: doodle, and write
10:44:50 AM veritas: and start SERIOUSLY planning an exhibition before the end of the year
10:44:54 AM effie: no
10:44:57 AM effie: no exhibitions
10:44:57 AM veritas: no exhibition?
10:45:01 AM effie: not me
10:45:09 AM veritas: but but, your stuff is so good when on walls!
10:45:19 AM veritas: you don't like exhibiting?
10:45:34 AM veritas: (that's fair enough, i am just curious. i get excited talking art)
10:46:21 AM effie: I'm not really keen on exhibitions
10:46:24 AM effie: I'm not keen on art
10:46:30 AM effie: I want my stuff in books
10:46:35 AM effie: and on CD's and post cards
10:46:37 AM effie: and used
10:46:38 AM veritas: /nods
10:46:39 AM effie: and touched
10:46:40 AM veritaseffie: fair enough
10:46:47 AM effie: and ripped up and eaten by puppies
10:46:54 AM effie: and left in the rain by accident.
Thursday 21
I miss my mother. I need a job.
Also, I'm going to try and draw a doodle spider for myself.
I spent hours last night drawing an owl. I haven't looked at it yet, to see if it was any good.
Sunday 24
Nice night with the cousin, eating boysenberry ice cream and drinking Pimms and gin (yes, we know Pimms is gin, but it's better with more gin in it.)
Day lounging around, watching shows about The Earth and now reliving my glorious childhood (Star Wars). I'm reeducating myself, in order to appropriately educate Archie Luke when I start babysitting him. (I can't wait!)
Parents home in two hours, I have wine in the fridge for them, and a lot of rushed cleaning to do, so more to come later on I suppose.
Monday 25
Today is for cleaning my room, organising all my art supplies and then researching indie presses. It should be a long, dirty, but fun day.
Fresh New Ideas.
Studio space?
How many hours a day? Three when I'm working? Six when I'm not? How do you judge these things?
I need money.
Thursday 28
I don't do enough. I need to do more. Why is there a truck on my street? Why? It's noisy, it's annoying, I can't concentrate.
I'm cranky today.
Satuday 30
I have developed a passion for design sponge. I started making some moss terrariums in some lovely, dorky glass jars I found at a dinky little op shop. I won't bother putting up photos until I'm sure they're growing and happy. I'm surprised I found so many different kinds of moss in my backyard, it's been close to 40 every day for the last few weeks, and only ever suggests that it might rain, I wasn't expecting any of it to be alive.
I'm trying to cultivate three different kinds. This is something that is giving me great joy.
I'm also working on a really interesting project with Reuben Ingall. I'll tell you more about it when I have more to show you.
See you next month beautiful.
xx